Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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