the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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