I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
