Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
