I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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