Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
The power of my boobs compel you
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
