i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Randomize
