Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I enjoy the company of your penis
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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