If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
