Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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