My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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