I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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