You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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