happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize