People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
