Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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