I wish I could teleport
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize