he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
