Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Randomize
