Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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