Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize