i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
as a side note pls kill me
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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