I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Please, let me fuck your mom
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
i came on her dog
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
