Having a random hookup so left but love u
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
