I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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