i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize