do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
