I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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