i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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