yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I just forgot I was standing up.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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