another moral hangover. fuck.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
