It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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