dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
