Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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