Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
