peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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