Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
