Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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