end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
