I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
