hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
