Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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