Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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