That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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