I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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