I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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