I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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