i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
