Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
