This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Quick, to the slutcave!
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
