I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize