He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I need to align my fucking chakras
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