I wish I could punch you in the face.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
