That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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