Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Randomize
