Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i wish my penis had a tongue
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
