HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
