Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
