White coat. Heels.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
