I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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