i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize
