There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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