opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
