Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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