Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I think I won the penis lottery.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
