Who did Billy Mays play for?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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