Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
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