i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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