This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize