just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Randomize