she was so not down for the gang bang
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
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