Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
