awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
