end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize