morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
