Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
