Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Randomize