he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
another moral hangover. fuck.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
