are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
