she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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